A Kick.... I think...

Well we are back from Playa Del Carmen Mexico, it was so much fun and the weather was perfect. We got rained on the very last day but that was our shopping day anyways so we were happy to not miss a good beach day! The hotel was a 5+ star resort all inclusive and amazing except of course for the doubles beds pushed together to make one big bed and the fact that they were hard as a rock. Although it was great training ground for me to start sleeping on my side. The flight down was pretty smooth but the flight home is another story and I don't think I will be flying again any time soon! We were lucky to get out of Chicago airport after our layover before they cancelled all of the flights.
Anyways so we are home and I am happy to be home even if that means taking K to the hospital due to dehydration from the runs... yup poor guy... he went to the Dr and they sent him right to the hospital as his heart was racing and his temp was pretty high. He finally seems to be doing better today as he went to work for a half day and now is at home resting.
So in the madness that is this week (my family is coming in two days!!!) we are struggling to get the house ready as if will be packed full this season and we just bought our dog a "special" collar, yea 265 bucks later!!! But it has 7 settings and will be good for training purposes. My mom has been great at de-stressing me little does she know that part of my feeling overwhelmed is because I finally get to tell her on Saturday that I am pregnant. I have wanted to spill for so long but have been scared to just b/c of our m/c, we have finally opened up to some people out here but I am super excited to tell my parents and then to phone A my best friend and spill the news to her. So going back to the madness of the week, in all the stress of getting ready for Christmas and stuff I was sitting quietly at my desk on Tuesday and felt a very distinct poke in my abdomen, right where the baby seems to be sitting as that is where we found the heart beat and the u/s was taken. CRAZY! I couldn't believe it! I have felt some flutterings and stuff but this was a very distinct poke and very different from the flutterings... and no I did not have gas at the time! haha! So that has totally made my week... that and getting to tell the family of course! Well enough for now back to pretending to work and waiting for today to end so vacation starts again!

HEARTBEAT!!!

Had my appointment with the doctor today... and yup we still have a heartbeat! What a cool thing to hear! She said it was 158 bpm which is really good and healthy!!! I asked why so high during my ultrasound but she said that the heart beats faster during early pregnancy! I am sooo excited I can't stop using these!!!!!!!!!! haha! Anyways when I got to the appointment she started by checking my blood pressure which is all good and then she said she would try to find the heartbeat. I swear my heart skipped a beat, she put that gross jelly on and turned on the Doppler and low and behold she barely put it to my skin and there was the sound of tiny little horses. It was so loud and strong and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I looked over at K and he got this funny little grin on his face. Yup that's his kid!!! haha! To know that this pregnancy is going sooo well is just a true gift from God.
When I reminded her about the trip to Mexico she got a little hesitant, I told her that I have not had any spotting and I am feeling a lot better too. No headaches today yet!!! She wasn't as worried about that as the food and the drink. I told her that I would drink only bottled water with the odd Orange Juice thrown in of course (we are staying at a five star all inclusive) and that I don't plan on eating anywhere but the restaurants in the hotel. She just said to be careful... but when I told her that there are going to be three pregnant women down there in all different stages and that we would all watch out for each other she seemed to relax a little!
So as we stand there are 4 more sleeps till we leave for Edmonton and 5 more sleeps till we take off to Mexico!!!!! Man I am getting excited just in case nobody noticed!

Headaches and other fun stuff.

The bane of my adolescent existence has come back, when I was young and first started getting my cycle I would get terrible cramps that hurt so bad I would throw up and horrible migraines that also made me throw up from the pain. Well we seem to be back to square one, although without the puking part, I have had a headache on and off now for about 3 weeks. And yes I know that it is due to increased blood flow and all that stuff but come on 3 weeks!!!!!!
Plus I have gone from sleeping through the night to having to get up at about 4:30 every morning to take the worlds largest pee. Then I wake up our dog who then thinks it is time to go outside and do his business and eat his breakfast and the cats who start whining for their food. Am I whining to much already? I know poor poor me ah well in 8 more sleeps I will be on the beaches of Playa Del Carmen soaking up the sun and swimming in a pool with a bottle of water constantly at my side! haha!
Alright so in other news last night was the first night in about 3 weeks that I actually finished my dinner without gagging! Yup! Figured it out... no MEAT! I gag when I eat steak, chicken, fish anything so the pharmacist told me to try eggs. I think I can handle eggs just so that I get some protein in me. K made me a great dinner the other night with little potatoes, green beans and yummy steak. The green beans and potatoes were amazing... got to the steak and could barely eat a bite, the gag reflex was so terrible. So last night I went for a small grocery shopping trip before dinner and picked up Alfredo sauce and Fettuccine noodles... yup finished the whole bowl soooo good! I put some salmon on K's so he had meat but I just couldn't do it with mine.
Well here's hoping I can eat while in Mexico, I am really looking forward to some good food!!! I will be 14 weeks by then though so it "should" be ok!
So I am getting pretty excited about telling my parents too... I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they find out how far along I already am! AND that they can tell whoever they want without me getting angry! Man December is going to be an awesome month!!!!

See ya later first Trimester!!!!!

Ok so I know that this is how I seem to start every post but YIPEEEEEE! 12 weeks today! How exciting is that! The little bean is growing and I have my next appt on the 3rd of December so hopefully we can hear the heartbeat by then. I can't wait. I just keep thinking... I saw the heartbeat so I know that all is well with the little guy!
This week is going to be a little bit hard for me as technically tomorrow was the day I lost the first bean so I am going to keep busy and not dwell on it.
12 more sleeps and I am on the beaches of Playa Del Carmen! Man I am stoked! K and I have been looking forward to this since January when we heard about it. Our friends M and D are getting hitched down there so there will be tons of people there. I am not looking forward to the flight though, I have to go the pharmacy and see what I can take that is safe for me to calm me down for the flight!
Hmm what else do I have to report? I am still getting night sickness and bloating it is gross but I am hoping it subsides in the next week so I am good for Mexico, I guess we will see! I also just finished writing our Christmas Update for this year, it is how I am going to announce that we are pregnant! I cannot wait to get that off my chest! I will have to mail them pretty close to Christmas though because I don't want people phoning my parents and letting them know before we can!
Well that seems to be it for now. Not very exciting... hopefully next Monday I will have more exciting news for everyone! If I don't update before then!

Week 11

Ok so first off... yipeeeeeeee another week has passed!!! That part always excites me at least there is one good thing about Mondays!! On another note I am feeling extremely tired and frustrated, or maybe stressed is a better word. So I am tired because I don't seem to be sleeping through the night due to some super strange dreams they are more positive now at least no more shootings going on, they are just strange and sometimes awkward. Ahh well I can handle that.
This week and next week mark the time when I lost our first baby Alarly (yes we named her it made it easier for me). I believe that something happened around week 10 or 11 and then I miscarried at 12 weeks 1 day. Just when you think you are in the clear. So I am in somewhat of a panic mode that it is going to happen again and that I will never get to have this baby. Or that I will never be able to experience a full birth and what being a mom is like. Alright I am an over analyzer but still these are the thoughts going through my brain. The what ifs of this week.
The other thing that is starting to bother me is that we have friends who are due the same time as us... my SIL M is due on the 6th I believe and our friends M and P are due on the 5th. Now this is not against them at all I am soooo excited for both couples that it makes me giddy! To think cousins the same age!!! That is what I always wanted and never had! But because they have no reason to worry and no family to wait until Christmas to tell they are starting to phone us as they turn 12 weeks. I want soooo badly to tell more people and to jump on the roof and shout it for everyone to hear, I want to be happier and proud and looking ahead and planning more. But K wants to keep this on the down low too, I get it and I get why. It is just hard, whenever I talk to my mom on the phone I want to tell her and have her be excited with me and to ask her a million questions and plan for a visit and all that stuff. I also want to tell my best friend, it feels so strange to keep this from people. I don't want to hurt them by not telling but I know if I tell my mom she will not be able to keep her mouth shut unless my dad duct tapes it up! Sorry mom when you read this.. we are too much alike so I know what you will do! I am super excited for this vacation to Mexico not just because we are getting out of town but because we can tell people when we are there... I can shout it from the rooftops.... I can talk about it all I want! Plus my friend M will be there and will be about 5 months preggers when I see her! Then after Mexico it is one week till I can tell my parents... I swear they aren't even going to walk in the door and I am going to shout.... I AM 16 WEEKS PREGGERSSSSS!!! Just like that. really loud and I won't care who is listening. Then I can post it on my facebook and tell the office (my boss knows) and tell every stranger I see. I swear going grocery shopping and making small talk with the lady at the till is sometimes the highlight of my day.... yup I am here cause I am preggers and I was totally craving.... (insert yummy or gross food here).
Ahhhhhh that feels better I have vented. Life can now continue!

Double Digits!

Yipeee so I am pretty excited! Double digits... yesterday marked my 10 week. I am making it 3 more weeks to go and I am 13 weeks and almost in Mexico sitting on the beach drinking a bottle of water. It just feels like some of my symptoms are going away (which I heard starts to happen around 10 weeks) and I want them to stay... I might have gas, feel like crap every night and have sore boobs but I took comfort in them! Ah well I saw a heart beat so the little one is in there and growing and developing!
In other news I went to the massage therapist today... I am officially hooked. She got all the "spots" that needed getting and will do more of an assessment next time I go in and see her which is next week! It was amazing, she would find a spot and then explain to me what it was affecting, the worst seemed to be my head and that is where I was getting my teeth clenching and migraines from!
So not much to report this time, had a migraine all weekend long and pretty much went to bed early every single night. Much to K's dismay I was a little boring this weekend. Although we had our amazing neighbors over for crepes on Saturday and that was pretty exciting. They brought their little puppy M over and W our 1 year old puppy and him are new BFF's! They are adorable together! We still have some crepes left over and whipped cream in the fridge but it was sooo good! It reminded me of home and my dad. He used to invite over a couple of families from our church on Sunday and we would all troop in and he would have 3 or 4 pans going at once making these crepes. If it was St. Paddy's day they were green, or pink on Valentines or blue just for fun! It really made me feel home sick.. I just have to think I get to see them at Christmas! Like a month and a bit away! Then I finally get to tell them that I am pregnant.... man are they going to be excited especially when they find out that I am out of the danger zone and into my second trimester by the time they come up!

The Dr. is in

Went to the Dr. today, kind of an uneventful visit although I am getting a referral for massages. Thank goodness sometimes at night I would just like to remove my spine and put it back in when I wake up. Can't wait... Tuesday 1:45 relief of the back! ahhhhhh!
Didn't hear the heartbeat today although being only 9 weeks 2 days I really didn't expect to hopefully by next visit which is December 3rd! Right before Mexico! I told her about Mexico and the Dr. was a little hesitant on that one. Although I will be 13 weeks by the time we fly out she said if there is any bleeding that I shouldn't go so .... I WILL NOT BLEED! As the trip is already paid for and I have been looking forward to it forever! Plus I finally get to tell people that I am preggers while on that trip, I am finding it very hard to keep my mouth shut.
So not very exciting today but the Dr. trip was good, 178 bpm is normal high but still classified as normal and she said that everything else looked good which was encouraging. We have another U/S on Jan 15th and my blob will look more like a baby by then... we will have to come up with a new name for him/her!

Almost let it slip....

So my parents finally got back from Nashville this weekend.... I hadn't talked to my mom in over a week, which is not like us at all. It was strange knowing that I had a heartbeat and everything going on inside me and not being able to tell her. At one point in our conversation I was saying if we moved back to BC that we would need a bigger house due to a baby and the dog and 2 cats, to which she replied "was that a slip". I cooley responded with a no not a slip just hoping that we can get pregnant again soon, and knowing this would need to make room for a little one in a new house! Jeesh good save T, I want to tell her more than anything but no offense mom when you actually read this... you have a big mouth and will want to tell everyone the fantastic news. Hence we are telling only a couple of people for now.
For my wonderful friends that have shared in the news so far thank you for being an amazing ear, I am starting to actually get happy about being preggers and feeling a little more confident about the outcome of it. Tomorrow is my Dr's appointment so I guess we will figure out how everything is going then I am super excited!
In regards to how I am feeling health wise.... I feel like crap. I am still feeling super ill at nights and like I can't eat but I know I have to. I have that I am going to puke feeling for most of the evening and sadly the only thing that seems to sit well in my stomach right now is chocolate. So I don't feel fat enough already my body is craving things that just add to the waist line... stupid leftover Halloween candy. On the nicer side of things... it seems for now that my zit face is clearing up and leaving tiny little battle scars all over my chin. Ahh well that is what foundation is for! The gas seems to have left for now as well... although the boob pain... still here, and my cat J loves to walk and sleep on my chest which doesn't make for a nice wake up call during the night.
Alrighty then... enough ramblings for now.... I will fill in more tomorrow after the Dr's Appointment.

We have a Heartbeat!!!

YIPEEE so today went well. I am sooo excited and can't wait for K to get home to share in the excitement. The only thing that sucks is that mom doesn't know yet and I can't just pick up the phone and talk to her about it.

Sooo we got to the appt and they took me in, I had to pee so bad when he started pressing on my bladder I thought I was going to pee on the bed! But he spent a bit looking around and I asked him if all was well b/c I was of course freaking out! He told me we had a heartbeat and that my uterus is tilted. Still not sure what that means but he just said it made it harder to get a clear pic. So we have named him blob for now, as that is all that he showed up to be, but that is MY blob and he has a heartbeat... I am so excited that I can't really contain myself right now.

Now the heartbeat was 178 bpm which I hope is normal but I guess we will see. It seems a little high for me. I have a Dr's appt on Wednesday so I guess we will see after that! For now I am so thankful for answered prayers and for my little blob. I am hoping that the nightmares go away for now and I can have some more sweet dreams!!

3 More Sleeps...

Ok so this ultrasound is all that is occupying my mind. I have been SUPER moody at work to the point where my boss has decided that staying away from the office would be his best defense. I have driven my boss away... I mean come on who does that. But in all honesty his little noises are driving me nuts... he smacks his gum with his mouth open, (he is doing it right now and I just want to smack him), he bites his nails, he clears his throat and makes gross noises doing it, he quietly burps every once in a while and excuses himself in shock, he picks his ears with his letter opener which I will NEVER touch. Now the biting nails I am allowed to yell at him for, but everything else I have to keep my mouth shut. But to cap it all off... my boss is 76 years old. Now I know I say this and you picture this gross guy but he is quite nice and decent... he smells nice (not like old man) and he is a hard worker. He is semi-retired and about to head down south for a couple of weeks and man am I glad to have him gone for a bit.
Now because of all of that I am totally unmotivated to work and just want to throttle my boss, the thing is ... when I wasn't preggers none of this stuff bothered me. Just the nail chewing b/c I can hear him bite his nails off... Ok enough of that I am sure that all of the rest of you are currently gagging as you read this and will never return to my blog but the gum chewing is the worst... I can't even go into more details I am at wits end. Mind you we share a medium sized office so when he is in we are in the same room and I can't really excuse myself.
Onto different things... Halloween... yipeee... midweek and only 3 more sleeps till we go to the ultrasound. I am yurning for the heartbeat.... It seems to consume my thoughts... I guess because it is finally getting close, kinda like D day haha. It is where we learn the fate of me and where we see how my little bean is doing.
I dropped K off at the airport this morning.. sniff.. sniff... I hate it when he is gone although out lab W is a pretty good spooner so I can at least stay warm in bed! lol! And the cats J and T usually sleep on my feet so it should be ok. Plus my amazing neighbor has said that if I am lonely I can visit them... I love that. (yes she reads this and yes I am sucking up to her so she doesn't get sick of me).
So anyways no other real news to report although ... this just in.... I am currently growing a volcano on my forehead. luckily I have long sweeping bangs that are covering it. Oh and I cried during a CIBC commercial the other day. Man I love hormones.

Sleep... where have you gone???

As you have probably now guessed from my title line.. I am not getting ANY sleep. I am up usually only once to pee.. and once because of a nightmare of sorts. I have been having terrible dreams, last night there was something about riding a horse out into this field and there was a kid on the saddle with me, I crossed this small barrier into the field and knew I shouldn't but did it anyways of course. All of the sudden I was terrified, didn't know what to do or how to protect this child (which wasn't mine but a friends). The other night I had a dream where K was having an affair on me with his secretary. I woke up so angry... and yet I knew it was a dream and that he would never to anything like that, it is just my stupid dreams!
After these horrible dreams in which I seem terrified no for reason I usually sit in bed wide awake for quite a while.... K usually senses that I am awake and will hold me until I fall asleep again. I couldn't ask for a better husband.
The painful gas seems to have subsided for a bit at least, here's hoping it stays away for a little while at least. Still can't eat chicken although we are going to try again tonight and see what happens... who knows maybe this time it will be OK. Along with the painful gas subsiding the nausea seems to been letting go a bit which is nice. Still lingering and making me feel pregnant are the sore boobs and zits... man I really hate the zits!
This Saturday.. I think that is all that I can think of right now. I can't wait to see that heartbeat and see the little bean, although I do feel pretty bad that K will not be there. 4 more sleeps until I meet my bean! YIPPEE! I am looking forward to the Dr saying oh look at that.. implantation looks good... the heart is beating normally and you look all set to go! Man that would be amazing... it is what I pray for every day! That and that God would give my little bean in heaven a kiss for me.

The Gas Factor

Alright a bad subject I know but it seems to be what is occupying my life recently. In the past few days in the afternoon my appetite leaves me... gone can't picture myself eating a thing. Therefore I make sure that I have fairly decent lunches, then come dinner time if all I want is chocolate ice-cream or an orange with some grapes it is fine. I don't feel too badly about what I am eating. Ok so back to this while gas thing, after dinner I usually sit around with K and we chat and watch TV you know typical quality time! Well lately it feels like my stomach is blowing up and it gets super hard to touch. And man do I pay for it later on in the night. Two nights ago I woke up and thought I was going to throw up everywhere, it was awful. Now I didn't end up chuffing my cookies but it took a while to get over that feeling.
Well last night was pretty bad too... my neighbor brought over Blizzards... which I love all the time any time... and I ate about 3/4 of it through the evening. BIG mistake my stomach was popping and gurgling all night long, no real nauseous feelings just gassy feelings. But like I have said in other posts, I will take it if it means a healthy and happy baby! I honestly don't think I could handle another miscarriage so this one is going to stick!!! Right God??? Please!!!???
Other than the gas I am feeling ok. My clothes are fitting a little tighter and I am feeling like a big fat blog, need to find some clothes that I can wear to work as my pickins are getting slim. I still can't seem to eat a chicken breast but if it is cut up I seem to be ok. No puking yet either but I get that feeling on a regular basis... although I take comfort in it.
8 more sleeps until my ultrasound!!! YIPEEEE I am making it slowly but surely I just want this weekend to fly by and the week to fly by afterwards and then me and my neighbor can be off to see my bean!

Booked and Ready...

Ok so we have already decided that I am not one for patience.... and now I have to wait a whole 11 more sleeps until I get my ultrasound. Alright so it isn't like the first time when they wanted to wait until 19 weeks or whatever but it still seems soooo far away! Oh and K won't be in town that weekend either so I am going either by myself or with my amazing neighbor... you know who you are!
The appointment itself went fairly well, K was there which was nice... although at first my Dr. didn't want to do the prenatal sheet once I told her my symptoms and she felt my belly she decided to try for a heartbeat... no go there yet... and she started filling out the sheet! So I guess I sold her on the idea that I have the start of a healthy pregnancy going on inside me.
Of course she sent me for bloodwork where they totally drained me and I felt like a raisin and had to pee in a cup... you know I hate peeing in cups! Why can't they make it a funnel instead for us women it would be sooo much easier!
Other than that my day has been uneventful, actually work was and is quite boring and I am counting down the minutes till I can go home and see K. Which will only be for a few minutes then I am off to a Candle party, where I have been banned from buying any candles due to the closetful we already have oops! lol!
I think thats is for now... although more to come of course! Man 11 sleeps.... how will I survive! At least my dr's appt to find out my results is only 4 sleeps after that.

One More Day!!!

Ok so I know I am super excited to see my Dr. I WANT THAT ULTRASOUND!!!!! Does that sound desperate enough? I hope that once I get the sheet that says I am allowed one that I can get in right away. I am excited to see my little guys heartbeat or to hear it one of the two! I didn't get that at all the first time around, I think that once I hear or see that little heart beating that I will feel much better about this whole pregnancy.. it will stop feeling like a hoax.. and start feeling real!
I have been feeling slightly ill all weekend, no vomiting but the constant feeling that I am going to along with a tummy that seems to be filling with gas on a regular basis. TMI I know but I have always been about giving out too much information. My neighbor asked me if I was swallowing air... and then proceeded to demonstrate yesterday over dinner. Quite amusing and even more so when he lifted his leg to toot before we left.... hmmm you know you are comfortable with your friends when!! But I needed a laugh and they are always good for that!
Alrighty ... so at almost 8 weeks my pants don't really fit me... this is a problem. I refuse to go shopping until I know that everything is ok, so for now the bella band is saving my butt. All of my pants are worn button open and fly part way down, and even though I am a size 10 to start with there is a slight roundness right under my "always there belly". I never had that last time.. am I excited about it... heck ya! It means my little bean is growing and that is good! The growing pains from last week are pretty much gone as is that lovely light brown discharge.
So other than my now usual rantings there is not much to report. I just want today to fly by and for it to be Tuesday at 1030 already. I am sure I will have more to say tomorrow.

The Waiting Game

So now that I am pregnant I play the waiting game.... waiting for the first appointment, waiting for the bloodwork, waiting for my ultrasound (hopefully I get an early one due to my m/c last time) waiting waiting waiting.... Yes I am hormonal.... but I just want to get the ball rolling and to know that everything is ok.
Speaking of hormones, my face is one big ZIT! It is gross, I swear all the coverup in the world cannot make it go away. And of course they aren't the usual zits... they are the deap rooted hurting kind! yuck I know! So I am emotional, I have a zit face and my boobs hurt. Yipeeee. Although at this point yes I might be whining about it but I will take any side effect that is thrown my way. Anything that says that YES I am pregnant and YES these are the signs and how you know on a daily basis. I am 7 weeks and 2 days right now and all I can think about is that 13 week mark. If I can just make it there everything will be ok.
Ahhh yes the much talked about end of the first trimester, the date that every pregnant woman looks forward to. Once we reach that mark we get to relax maybe just a little... it is like having you eye on the prize one trimester at a time. Ok so that sounded dorky I know but how else can you look at it. That is just the truth, with the ultimate prize being your baby at the end of almost 40 weeks. Well I got just over 32 weeks to go. And I pray that everything goes smoothly this time and I am soooo counting down the days to when we can tell our friends and family!

It was Positive.

Well after a horrible summer that ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks my husband and I have just found out we are pregnant again! About 3 weeks ago I was feeling a little strange and decided to take a test... well low and behold that digital test said PREGNANT!! Ok so maybe without the exclamation marks but I was pretty excited, and yet at the same time incredibly unsure. My husbands first words were not that he was excited or congrats to us.. it was "well that explains your mood swings". Ahhh always the supportive one.
Stuff that has been going on in the last 3 weeks since we found out. Hmm we decided not to tell anyone until we go away on vacation for a wedding in December with our friends. They will be sworn to secrecy as we are not telling family until Christmas time when they come to Alberta to visit. Christmas just seems like a long time to wait, but after the miscarriage in the summer we want to keep this to ourselves until we are past the safety zone.
I have been a little concerned this week as I had some cramping and brown discharge, gross I know. I found that the cramping was worse if I walked the dog in the morning so for now those have stopped he will have to deal with chasing a ball in the park before I go to work. It hasn't been that much discharge and the cramps I can deal with I was told that they could be growing pains.. when your uterus grows which would be about right for timing. I talked to a friend who is due in December and she informed me that this happened to her in the same spot and for a couple weeks, I can deal with that.
I am really looking forward to my first Dr's appt next week, my Dr is amazing and when I went to see her after my m/c she informed me that next time around we would got for an early ultrasound so I am really going to push for that one. Although she did say to wait until I had at least one cycle before I was to try to get pregnant again... oops that one didn't happen.
I figured my body would get pregnant again when it was healed, being a person of Faith I have prayed everyday for a healed and healthy body. For God to comfort my little baby in heaven and to lay a hand on my belly and keep safe my little bean as he grows. I know that this time I will approach my pregnancy different and give it to God and ask for his help on a daily basis. Now all I have to do is pray... follow the dr's orders and wait until June!